Explaining Autism to Your Child/Teen
- Dr. Stephanie Lavoie and Dr. Michelle Fardella
- Apr 3
- 11 min read
Updated: Apr 11
**This blog is a living document. It will be frequently updated with new information. Please revisit to stay updated!
The talking points and resources below are meant to aid in the process, but each child’s needs are individual.
It is important to note that talking about any neurotype, diagnosis, or disability, what it is, what it is not, what we can do to help, etc., is an ongoing conversation over time. For many children and youth new questions will arise over time. Although the initial conversation is important, so are ongoing check-ins and discussions about what autism means for each person at different points in time.
One of the most common questions that parents often ask is when to tell a child that they are autistic. Some parents may not want anyone to discuss autism with their child because they do not want to “label” their child or they may have concerns that their child will find the news upsetting, especially if they are very sensitive to any suggestion that they are different from their peers. Other parents may feel that the sooner a child understands their own brain, the less they feel isolated as they grow up. As well, they may feel that sharing the diagnosis could provide a sense of relief in a sense for the child, taking away the notion that their challenges are the result of some personal failing and replacing it with an understanding of a differing neurotype and embracing differences.
There are many factors to consider in determining when a child is ready for information about their diagnosis, including chronological age, personality, development level, abilities and social awareness. HOWEVER, often, kids are much more ready than adults give them credit for. Children are often more open minded than adults and many can more readily identify strengths associated with their neurodivergent profile. In our practice we believe that children should know about neurodiversity starting at a young age. This opens the door for early conversations and disclosures.
What we know from autistic adults is that, almost unanimously, they share that they wish they had known their diagnosis sooner. For many, not having an explanation for why certain things felt harder—or simply different—led to years of confusion, shame, or the exhausting pressure to mask their differences. Learning they were autistic later in life often brought a profound sense of relief: it helped them understand themselves with more compassion, connect with a supportive community, and make sense of their strengths and challenges. When we talk openly and positively with children about autism, we give them the gift of self-understanding early on—something many adults say they deeply needed when they were young.
A positive attitude about differences can be established early before your child being autistic is even discussed. Adults can highlight how everyone is unique with their own likes and dislikes, strengths and areas of support need, and physical characteristics. Matter of fact statements such as “Sally likes hockey and you like to read” or “I’m good at puzzles and you’re good at drawing” can be integrated into daily conversations. You can highlight things that come easier for you and things that may be more challenging, and what you do to support yourself.
Example: "I'm so great with drawing but reading maps is so hard for me! I like to use the GPS in the car to help me get where I need to go since that is something tricky for me"
As with any "big news" or important information that a child hears we think it should come from a trusted adult. This ensures that it is communicated in a way that meets the emotional and communication style of the child and conveys accurate information.
Some adults choose to wait and tell a child about their diagnosis when the child becomes aware of their differences. This can be signaled by statements (e.g., “No one plays with me at recess”, or “I have no friends”) or when they start to ask questions (e.g., “Why am I different?"). The problem with this approach is that often it is "too late" in the sense that the child has begun to label themselves.
Claiming the Right Label
We are often mistaken with the idea that giving your child an autism diagnosis is the same as putting a label on them. But the truth is, society will label them anyway—whether it’s “awkward,” “weird,” “difficult,”, "rigid" or something else that doesn’t truly reflect who they are. By embracing their autism diagnosis, we give them the "right label"—the one that actually explains their experiences, strengths, and challenges. Instead of leaving them to wonder why they feel different or struggle in certain areas, we equip them with self-understanding and the language to advocate for themselves. Autism isn’t a negative label; it’s an important part of who they truly are, and knowing this can help them find acceptance, community, and the support they deserve.
Framing the Conversation in a Positive and Meaningful Way
When talking about autism, use language that is clear, age-appropriate, and affirming. Too vague an explanation may not satisfy an inquisitive teenager, while too technical or deficit based of an explanation may confuse or frighten a child of any age. Tailor the explanation to your child’s level of understanding:
A younger child might understand autism as “a special way your brain works.”
A teenager might appreciate a more detailed explanation about how autistic traits affect social interactions, sensory processing, and routines.
It is important that the process of explaining autism to a child is framed in a manner that is positive and meaningful to them. As much as possible, the adult should apply the description to the child personally. You can use a tool like the autism color wheel to describe the different way that autism may present in their life. This helps to reinforce the idea that no two autistic people are alike! Everyone is their own person and experiences the world in their own unique way.
Explain that autistic youth may have a different way of thinking and that this may make some things easier for them.
For example, you may say, “You know how you can remember everything about Pokemon? Not everybody can do that!” or “Autistic kiddos get very excited about things that interest them, just like you. Isn’t that cool? I love that about you.”
When explaining autism to your child, it can be helpful to talk about how their brain might work a little differently—and wonderfully—compared to others. You might start by exploring the concept of monotropism, which means that autistic brains often focus deeply on one thing at a time. This can lead to powerful learning and creativity, especially around passionate interests—those passionate, specific topics that your child might love and know everything about. You can also explain how autistic people may experience the world through their senses differently—some might be more sensitive to sounds, lights, or textures, while others may not notice hunger or pain right away. These are called sensory processing differences. To cope with overwhelming feelings or just to feel good, many autistic people use stimming—repetitive movements or sounds like hand-flapping, rocking, or humming, which can be calming or joyful. Autistic people may also have communication differences — through spoken words, gestures, typing, pictures, or behavior—and all of these are valid forms of expressing thoughts and feelings.
It’s also useful to talk about why routines, predictability, and familiar settings might feel especially important. Autistic kids often need more time to understand social patterns and may feel anxious in new situations. You can help them understand that communication and social interactions may also feel different for them—they might prefer direct, literal language and sometimes find it hard to figure out what others are thinking or feeling. Some autistic people also experience alexithymia, which means having trouble recognizing or describing their own emotions. These conversations help children feel seen and understood—and show them that autism is a unique way of being, not something to be fixed.
Provide reassurance that supports can be put in place for any challenges that arise. That you will be there with them to advocate for any accommodations that they need to support them in the world that wasn't designed for them. Let the child know that they are not alone and that there are many autistic people in the world, both kids and adults. There are a variety of individuals who have used their gifts that came with their autistic brain to pursue meaningful careers (e.g., Temple Grandin: autism advocate and faculty member at Colorado State University; Mozart: famous composer; Satoshi Tajiri: Pokemon inventor). Over time, children who understand their diagnosis may feel a sense of belonging after realizing that there are many individuals out there like them.
You may consider asking the child if they would like to find more information by reading books, watching videos, and/or by talking with other people. Importantly, offer to help them learn more from autistic voices. Reading books by autistic authors, listening to podcasts or shared experiences on youtube, are all wonderful ways to hear from and amplify autistic voices.
Let the child know that you realize that they will have additional questions about the diagnosis, and that you will be there for those, too, whenever they might think of them.
If the child is not interested, or appears overwhelmed, the adult should revisit the conversation at a later time.
An individual’s understanding of their brain is integral to forming their identity. While it may take time, supporting this process will help the child respect their uniqueness, foster their self-worth, and empower them for success.
Learn about Liz Agnoff and access her amazing toolbox of tools and strategies for children and parents HERE
Check out this fantastic slide deck by our friend @autismoutloud on how to explain autism to children! It provides parents with inclusive, neurodiversity-affirming language to help kids understand autism in a positive and supportive way, encouraging meaningful conversations and fostering acceptance.
Follow us on Instagram for insights, strategies, and meaningful conversations on education, advocacy, self-growth, and neuroaffirming practices!
Scan the QR code below!
Videos:
Children are often receptive to visuals and child friendly explanations. The following videos are available for free on Youtube. Adults should watch the videos first, and then decide which is best to share with their child, if any.
o Animated Explanation of Autism
o An explanation of autism for children – from the book A Different Kind of Brilliant
o 12 Fast Facts About Autism for Kids (world Autism Awareness Day)
o You are Perfect Just the Way You Are | What is Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)? | Dr. Binocs Show https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2mlWUzA0B4
Comic Strip Explaination of autism
Here is an excerpt from a comic strip that explains autism. Find the entire comic strip with a free download here or click the comic strip:
___________________________________________________________________________
Books:
There are many, many books available that discuss autism that are written for parents and students and some from autistic authors. YThe following books can be potentially found free through your local library, or through the child’s school library.
Talking with Your Child About Their Autism Diagnosis: A Guide for Parents. Raelene Dundon. This book provides ways to tell children of different ages and development levels about their diagnosis. It also explores the pros and cons of sharing the diagnosis with others.
All My Stripes: A Story for Kids with Autism. Shaina Rudolph & Danielle Royer. Zane the zebra has autism, and he is worried that his friends and classmates will make fun of his stripes, which make him different. As Zane learns that having autism is one of the many things that actually makes him special, young readers will relate to Zane and realize that they, too, have plenty to be proud of.
Autism Is...? Ymkje Wideman-van der Laan. When young Logan hears his grandmother tell her friend that Logan has autism, he wonders what she means? “Autism Is….?” is Logan’s grandmother’s answer, and children on the autism spectrum are sure to appreciate her easy-to-understand, child-friendly explanation of the facts.
“I Have Autism” (A Child’s First Look At Autism). Pat Crissey. This is a wonderful children’s book to help parents and teachers explain autism to a young child. In this book, the main character, Alex, has autism. He talks about how autism affects his behavior and other aspects of his life.
Different Like Me: My Book of Autism Heroes. Jennifer Elder. This book tells the stories of a wide variety of accomplished and inspiring historical figures – scientists, authors, artists, intellectual giants – all of whom were likely on the autism spectrum.
Masterpiece: an inclusive kids book celebrating a child on the autism spectrum (The Incredible Kids 1). Alexandra Hoffman and Beatriz Mello. Masterpiece is an inclusive story featuring Samuel, a boy on the autism spectrum who sees the world differently than his peers.
The Superhero Brain: Explaining autism to empower kids. Christel Land. This story speaks to children who have autism, and explains to them what it means in a way that leaves them feeling empowered and able to make their dreams come true. The story refers to sensory issues as "special powers" and explains how living with autism can be awesome and at the same time also feel tricky sometimes. The Superhero Brain is written by a mother to her autistic son.
You Want to Play?: Making Friends with an Autistic Kid. Daniel Share-Strom. This books shows readers that Autistic children are more than capable of making meaningful contributions to relationships, and suggests how typical children can alter their own approach in order to foster a true connection.
My Brain is a Race Car: A Children's Guide to a Neuro-Divergent Brain by Nell Harris (Ages 5-10). This engaging book uses the metaphor of a race car to explain how neurodivergent brains work differently. It helps children understand their unique strengths and challenges while promoting self-acceptance and confidence.
The Abilities in Me: Autism by Gemma Keir (Ages 3-8). Part of The Abilities in Me series, this book introduces young children to autism in an affirming and inclusive way, celebrating the strengths and unique abilities of autistic individuals.
The Abilities in Me: ADHD by Gemma Keir and Adam Walker-Parker (Ages 3-8). This heartwarming book helps children understand ADHD through a positive lens, showcasing the creativity, energy, and unique strengths that come with the diagnosis.
The Girl Who Always Could: An Empowering Tale of the ADHD Experience for Girls, and the
Power of Self-Love by Katie Trowse and Tilly Paterson (Ages 5-10). This uplifting story follows a girl with ADHD as she navigates challenges and learns to embrace her abilities with confidence and self-love.
Wonderfully Wired Brains: An Introduction to the World of Neurodiversity by Louise Godding and Ruth Burrows (Ages 7-12). This informative and engaging book introduces kids to the concept of neurodiversity, explaining different brain types and celebrating the strengths of neurodivergent individuals.
Dexter! The AMAZING School Dog! by Lucy Plunkett and Sian Bowman (Ages 4-8). This heartwarming story follows Dexter, a therapy dog who helps neurodivergent children feel safe and supported at school. A great book for introducing the role of therapy animals.
Amazing Me, Amazing You by Christine (Ages 4-8). This uplifting book celebrates differences, encouraging children to appreciate what makes themselves and others unique while promoting kindness and inclusivity.
So, You're Autistic: An Epic Teen Guide for Autistic Girls and Gender Diverse Youth. by Yellow Ladt Bugs. E-Book
Covering everything from navigating home and school life to building friendships, this e-book also addresses important topics such as puberty, mental health, and bullying. It celebrates individuality and autistic culture through personal stories and expert insights.
If you want support in navigating your child's profile reach out to us at WonderTree!
We strive to take a strength based approach to help neurodivergent children, teens, and adults thrive.
We strongly recommend you check out and purchase this book guide by Emily Katy, an Autistic ADHDer.
Also check out the work by Dr. Liz Agnoff, who has created a variety of resources for families and clinicians regarding sharing various neurodivergent profiles in affirming ways.
And if you have an autistic youth who identifies as female we strongly encourage you to check out Yellow Lady Bugs.
If you want to get started on support first:
Unsure of what support you may need?
IMPORTANT: Information shared by WonderTree is not intended to replace or be constituted as clinical or medical care. It’s intended for educational purposes only. Each child is unique, and the information provided may not be applicable to your specific situation. If you need support, please establish care with a licensed provider so that they can provide tailored recommendations for you or your child. This blog is non-monetized.
Comments